I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
