Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
