How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
