So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
