Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
