four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
