I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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