you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
