i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's the barista slut.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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