im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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