Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
