i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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