dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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