If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
