it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
