Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize