I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Come share oat with me in your robe
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
