If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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