I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
