Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
