how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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