it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
