Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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