somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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