I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
