i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
