dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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