i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
