eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize