great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
