Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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