I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
