Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
