i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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