I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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