Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
