We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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