So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
