Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
