nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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