I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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