I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
