Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
