can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
