Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
