I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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