I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
