I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
