Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
