When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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