I wish I could teleport
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
