I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The uberlube is also flammable
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
