God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
