She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
