One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
sarcasm needs its own font
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
