i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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