3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
