That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
