His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize