I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
