I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize