Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
