I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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