I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
