I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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