what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
