Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
