i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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