i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
