Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
