I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
