dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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