This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
