First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
