I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
