im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
