Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
