sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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