i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
