My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize