Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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